la la la ladies!

i have no idea why my title is what it is

i'm a little all over the place right now

it is 3:08 in the AM baby so i'm probably lightly delusional from a lack of sleep

i haven't been on here in a while mostly because i couldn't trap my emotions fast enough to type them out on here

as well as i didn't have the patience to log on and document.

but here is a hopefully interesting update

so i haven't binged and purged since tuesday! yay! 

BUT

i have purged yesterday and the day before...

my boyfriend decided to go and have a little chat (and who knows what else) with his ex-gf while still with me

and i don't have time for silly little games like that so i ended it. flat out ended it.

and so we had arguments upon arguments which led to me feeling ugly about myself. :(

i've lost 3 pounds already since saturday by not eating.. or only eating a cupcake and two pieces of chocolate yesterday.. and eliminating it from my stomach 10 minutes later. 

to top it all off my family and i had a very outrageous argument last night and i couldn't control my temper one bit. so i guess i'm back to restricting... which is sooner or later going to lead to binging... then purging. i want this vicious cycle to cease! it's driving me insane. i write about it on this blog... reading it back to myself and SEEING what i'm doing to myself.. yet it's impossible to stop. i really appreciate the support i'm getting from you two other bloggers. it makes me feel like i can open up and share what's going on with me... like another outlet to resort to when emotions inside me are about to burst. thank you for the support. i really mean that. 

so my updated statistics of a crazed bi-polar bulimic: (oh yea, i'm now currently diagnosed as bi-polar and bulimic by my treatment team! how fun is that? that was sarcastic btw) anyway,

current weight: 115

here's a thought: i want to get down to 105 by friday. let's see if i can do it. 

i sound absolutely ridiculous and downright moronic but the mood i'm in has no boundaries at the present moment and i feel like i can do and say whatever i want. these moods are a little dangerous for me. 

oh! and that series everyone is talking about, TWILIGHT... i couldn't stand hearing the rave about it anymore so i finally bought the book to see what everyone was talking about... and to my surprise i got hooked! i was honestly very surprised. so take my word for it and start reading those books. they're amazing. But because of those books, i'm now pitifully addicted to those romantic lines! it's amazing what the series does to you. 

well time to turn in. 

talk to you all soon! 

and i would love to hear some stories relating to mine... from all of you :)

peace out boy scouts!

-coconut girl! 

so much for the lemonade diet

as the title clearly states...

i have failed to even try to attempt that crazy diet. but on the fantastically bright side

i haven't binged or purged in three days. excluding today because that was a little screw up.

anywhoo i was hoping to write a more exciting blog so i could get more recognition and therefore meet more people who are in the same situation as i... and that way help each other, but i'm feeling a bit tired at the present moment. and hence, i am to retire to my bathroom.. sigh... second time today. 

peace out boy scout!

get to know me please? i'd love comments and feedback :)

Well here goes nothing

It’s 12:48 am on a Monday morning

And I just stuffed my face the whole day

I’m actually closing my eyes while typing this because the screen on my macbook laptop is too bright for me

I’ll spell check this at the end

Anyway, as an introduction to my life, and what I’m about to blog about for the next two weeks… is that fad called the Lemonade Diet. But first…

I’m what you call… a bulimic. In cases with people who have bulimia, one never usually expresses to the world that he/she is bulimic, because one, they are ashamed, and two, I guess it’s just not something to brag about. But the thing is, okay now I have my eyes open, but yes, the thing is, I’m not bragging that I have bulimia… heck, I don’t think any living person would like to have this disease, but I am writing this to express what we (people with bulimia, or eating disorders) go through… so people can understand that it’s not just a weight issue. But it’s incredibly deeper than that. It goes past weight, through emotions, being tossed into ways to cope, and becomes triggered every single time a little tiff comes along…. Which sucks… completely. By tiff, I mean… if I were to get into a little argument with the madre (mom, incase you didn’t know what that meant, and I’m not Mexican or Spanish in any way, I just like using madre) anyway, say I was to get into an argument with her, immediately, once I start to get upset, my brain automatically thinks FOOD! I reach out to a bag of chips, two maybe three slices of toast, butter on it of course, hmMm a glass of milk, some cookies, left over turkey? Yes please. And maybe some vanilla ice cream, oh and more cookies too. And it becomes a binge in a second. Consuming more than 2000 calories in a snap, and purging it all up minutes after…. just because of a stupid little argument… Now tell me that isn’t insane. You must be thinking, “if you know it’s insane, then just don’t do it.” And that’s the beauty(CRAZINESS) of it… we can’t just stop. I’ll try to explain the feeling as best as I can without boring you out of your minds. But it’s not that it feels good, or we’re really hungry, or that we’re weak-minded people who just think about appearances… it’s not that at all… it’s just… it become so much of a habit… and an easy way to run free from reality for a while…  instead of becoming upset over an argument or any kind of disruption to our happiness… or feeling controlled by an outsider… food distracts us from any of those situations… and in those minutes, hours that we are eating…. All we have on our minds is the food that we’re consuming, and the thought of throwing it all up… (sorry for the graphic terms, if you don’t like that I’ll use ‘purging’)… anyway, so we escape from what we have to deal with, and run away to a place where we are in control… and it’s so sad if you just think about it because how is that a way to cope? The only way for us to feel in control of ourselves is to eat and purge and focus on food and our weight to distract us from drama, abuse, miscommunications, arguments, sadness…. etc? It’s just ridiculous… But in any case, I’ll write more about that later if you all want, if it’s just boring I’ll end it here. So what is this lemonade diet you ask?

I am going to sound like a total hypocrite right now, but starting tomorrow I will be putting myself on a lemonade diet. It consists of:

2 tablespoons of organic lemon juice

2 tablespoons of maple syrup

1/10 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper

and 10 oz of water

drink 6-8x a day for 20 days (but i'm just doing 14 days)

and i'll also be eating 300 calories a day.

UGH. you have no idea how torn up I am right now. just looking at that looks freeeaken riDONKulous!

but i'm going to do it. 

starting Stats: height: 5'1'' weight: 120 lbs

I'm doing this because i want you dieters out there to see how much damage dieting does on your body... i wish i could think straight for once and get out of this bulimia/stupid behavior... but why not make a lesson out of it. maybe this will help me overcome my disease? hmMmm we'll see. 

why not enjoy the world? i want to break free!

peace out boy scout!

-coconut girl in a hot fashion world