i'm a little all over the place right now
it is 3:08 in the AM baby so i'm probably lightly delusional from a lack of sleep
i haven't been on here in a while mostly because i couldn't trap my emotions fast enough to type them out on here
as well as i didn't have the patience to log on and document.
but here is a hopefully interesting update
so i haven't binged and purged since tuesday! yay!
BUT
i have purged yesterday and the day before...
my boyfriend decided to go and have a little chat (and who knows what else) with his ex-gf while still with me
and i don't have time for silly little games like that so i ended it. flat out ended it.
and so we had arguments upon arguments which led to me feeling ugly about myself. :(
i've lost 3 pounds already since saturday by not eating.. or only eating a cupcake and two pieces of chocolate yesterday.. and eliminating it from my stomach 10 minutes later.
to top it all off my family and i had a very outrageous argument last night and i couldn't control my temper one bit. so i guess i'm back to restricting... which is sooner or later going to lead to binging... then purging. i want this vicious cycle to cease! it's driving me insane. i write about it on this blog... reading it back to myself and SEEING what i'm doing to myself.. yet it's impossible to stop. i really appreciate the support i'm getting from you two other bloggers. it makes me feel like i can open up and share what's going on with me... like another outlet to resort to when emotions inside me are about to burst. thank you for the support. i really mean that.
so my updated statistics of a crazed bi-polar bulimic: (oh yea, i'm now currently diagnosed as bi-polar and bulimic by my treatment team! how fun is that? that was sarcastic btw) anyway,
current weight: 115
here's a thought: i want to get down to 105 by friday. let's see if i can do it.
i sound absolutely ridiculous and downright moronic but the mood i'm in has no boundaries at the present moment and i feel like i can do and say whatever i want. these moods are a little dangerous for me.
oh! and that series everyone is talking about, TWILIGHT... i couldn't stand hearing the rave about it anymore so i finally bought the book to see what everyone was talking about... and to my surprise i got hooked! i was honestly very surprised. so take my word for it and start reading those books. they're amazing. But because of those books, i'm now pitifully addicted to those romantic lines! it's amazing what the series does to you.
well time to turn in.
talk to you all soon!
and i would love to hear some stories relating to mine... from all of you :)
peace out boy scouts!
-coconut girl!
4 comments:
HI CC,G,
ISN'T IT FUNNY, WE DON'T KNOW EACH FROM A BAR OF SOAP(AUSIE SLANG,SORRY) AND YET HERE WE ARE CHATTING ACROSS THE WORLD FOR THE WORLD TO SEE, ABOUT SOMETHING VERRY PERSONAL THAT U R GOING THROUGH.
LIKE I SAID ONCE BEFORE, NO ONE EVER KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING TO MYSELF AND HOW LONG,THAT I REGRET. I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT GETTING THIS ALL OFF YOUR CHEST AND KNOWING THAT SOMEWHERE OUT THERE, THERE ARE TOTAL STRANGERS WHO DO CARE ABOUT YOU AND WANT TO SEE YOU GET THROUGH IT. ARIAD AND HER PARTNER ARE FRIENDS OF MINE AND I SPOKE OF YOU AND WHAT YOU WERE GOING THROUGH, ONLY TO THEN FIND OUT THAT SHE HERSELF HAD BEEN BLMK.
JUST ANOTHER THING HER AND I HAVE IN COMMON.
ANY WHO, DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF AND DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT.
TAKE WHAT YOUR PASSION IS AND FOCUS ON IT WITH AVENGANCE, YOU WILL FIND THAT ALL THE OTHER CRAP IN YOUR LIFE WILL START TO FADE.
TAKE IT FROM AN OLD FART WHO SPENT 25 YEARS WITH THE BLACK DOG ON HIS TAIL, YOU CAN AND WILL TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE IF YOU CHOOSE TO. DON'T BE LIKE ME AND TAKE 25 YEARS TO FIGURE IT OUT,YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON AND YOU CAN CHOOSE TO FIX YOU.
PS. THANKS FOR THE QUOTE:)
PASION,FOCUS,CLARITY
Hi CG, I'm going to try to send more traffic your way...trying to look for others with eating disorders so we can all share...
Love Ariad
xxx
I've put a couple of links for you to look at on the side of my blgo. Look at Eating Well links, all with ED's. Follow their blogs or leave comments and you'll get some others looking at your stuff.
Peace
xxx
Where are you coconutgirl?
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